I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize