I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
