i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
