but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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