omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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