I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
