How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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