Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
