there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize