this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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