I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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