Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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