jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who died my cat blue again?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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