How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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