well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
