haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
