If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
