wanna go halves on a baby?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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