Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
