All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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