I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
