Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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