That's intense
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
