I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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