so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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