Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize