I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
