Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
