I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
