My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
