I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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