Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
