I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
