He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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