How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
