my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Your dad touched me again.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
