the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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