I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
