I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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