Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
