What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize