well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
