I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
