mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
