Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im six kinds of drunk right now
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
