the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
