I think my fart just growled at me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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