I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
