I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
