Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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