Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
