you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize