He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
