my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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