And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
