2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
