9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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