i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
