I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
