Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
