How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
