So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
