rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
