i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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