Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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