you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize